Don’t go off the deep end…maybe

Just because you don’t know where you are, don’t go off the deep end! Or Sometimes you have to take the plunge! But how do you decide?

The only reliable way of making a decision that tells you what to do is by listening to who you are! That includes what your inner goals and desires are, what drives and motivates you and what you need in order to have a good and productive life.

You are your best guide to what is good for you but, as with advice from another person, you have to listen to it for it to have any effect.

It turns out that it can be pretty hard to listen to yourself and believe and accept what you find there. There is a lot of noise that gets in the way of your authentic inner voice.

But what is authentic anyway? How do you know your inner voice is authentic?

Here are the two keys to recognizing your authentic voice:-

Stop and listen to what you want.

So often we jump to what we think others want or expect from us that it can be hard to stop and pay attention to our own desires. If you’re the kind of person who cares deeply about other people then you’ll know what I mean by this. But, you are entitled to have your own desires and they don’t have to be compatible with those of the other people you mix with. You don’t have to conform all of the time. You are allowed to be yourself. It may be that one of the fundamental ingredients of a happy life is connection with your own desires.

Don’t take the story further

When you imagine something happening do you tend to elaborate it further and further until it turns into catastrophe or disaster? This is one of the basic components of worry. The ability to elaborate beyond the facts into a world full or hurt and pain takes you to places that don’t and never will exist. This propels you into fantasy outcomes that will never happen. You are going to need to stop doing this because it steals you from actual reality in the ‘here and now’ and puts you into your ‘head virtual reality fantasy generator’. This separates you from the world and your own needs within it. When you disconnect from ‘reality’ you become vulnerable to all sorts of terrible things…most of which will never happen. I like Mark Twain’s comment below.

“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

Mark Twain

Many of the terrible things we imagine never actually happen.
Many of the terrible things we imagine never actually happen.

Be prepared to say no to what you might not want.

Like many skills in life the skill of being able to discern what you want out of life is one that takes some practice to hone. Many people neglect putting enough effort into this for it to become a genuine life skill. Therefore the answer is to practice having an opinion, sometimes even if you don’t have a strong one.

Trying to please everyone is pointless as it only delays the time when you must be yourself and own your own desires.  Trying to please someone who does not have your best interests at heart (but their own) often ends up being abusive towards you.

Have an alternative already prepared.

I have coined a phrase that I think nicely sums up how we get ourselves into trouble. It is:-

‘Don’t take the path you don’t want to follow.’

What it means is that you need to stop putting attention into a life path that you don’t want to take leading to a destination you wouldn’t wish on yourself.  But do put effort into a life path you do want to take and which will yield a goal you can actively and positively work towards and achieve. Which translates to have a plan already worked out.

All of this means that you have choice. You can exercise choice in two ways. One way is to actively make a choice while the second is to passively accept the result of not making a choice.

You choose!

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