Our not so realistic reality

Not so real reality

Not so real reality

The basis of any anxiety or panic problem is a personal belief about something that in reality is not true. Whatever your individual fear may be, the chances are that it is completely illogical and not at all rooted in real facts. Living a life based entirely on thoughts and feelings which we know don’t reflect reality is one of the strangest experiences a person can have, and yet so many of us live this way every day, sometimes without even realizing they’re wrong.

Myself, I could say with total conviction that I know my anxious thoughts are incorrect. My logical brain is well aware that a panic attack will do me no harm; I’ve had more than enough to factually confirm that. However, there is still that thought, a voice so to speak, which convinces me to avoid any situation that could cause a panic attack because there is always a “what if?”. This makes my anxiety very difficult to explain to others, and I know I’m not alone. People will say “there’s nothing to worry about, you’ll be fine” and you can’t help but answer “I know I will”. They ask why you’re so scared if you know you’re going to be safe, and unfortunately you’re left with no real answer. It is simply a feeling which guides you through your day, and although this may only make up 1% of your thoughts, that 1% is stronger than all of your logical thoughts combined.

It seems mad, on paper, to allow something you know is wrong to dictate everything you do. From what you eat, to where you go, to who you go there with, this one small sensation, which tells you that maybe this time will be so much worse than all the others, is in control of your life. It doesn’t take long to collect a full repertoire of symptoms and side effects of anxiety, from heart palpitations to nausea and full panic attacks. You become familiar with each one, you’ve experienced them all at their very worst and still survived to tell the tales, but still you continue to avoid and fear situations which may cause them again, all because of one tiny voice.

Imagine a world where this voice, this feeling, is the minority. Where you consider that maybe there is a risk, a small “what if?”, but you don’t allow it to control you because you truly do believe that those anxious thoughts are nothing but lies. Simply knowing that your paranoid brain is wrong is just step one, and while it’s an excellent step, it doesn’t change the fact that there is still a part of you which refuses to commit to the belief entirely. There is so much more freedom and liberation which comes with fully accepting and internalising the idea that these thoughts you have are only there to hold you back, and in no way reflect what life is really like. You first have to realise that you’ve seen it all before, you have the wisdom and benefit that comes with experience. You have been through the worst of it and you are still standing, and that should suggest that maybe, just maybe, some part of your way of thinking is very, very wrong.

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To see ourselves as others see us

I don’t know about you but there have been times in my life when I have been acutely sensitive to the gaze of others. I am not immune even now, although I am better at managing how it makes me feel.
Which is why I found this video interesting and I thought you might also. It shows how different our own impression of ourselves can be to that of others.
It is like having a window into the subtle ways we see ourselves (not the good ways) and how that can distort everything else we feel.

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How To Combat Anxiety

How to Combat Anxiety

In the previous video I explained how a terrible event that may have no actual connection to you can increase your sense of threat. A feeling of threat, without an obvious tangible focus for the threat can cause anxiety. If you find that after Paris you are more anxious then you may find the tool I share with you in this video helpful. I have used this with many clients and the simplicity of it comes from the fact that it uses the same processes and the same neuro-chemicals as anxiety but it transforms what they are used for. Turning fear into excitement.

You don’t have to live with anxiety you can choose to do something about it.

Stop being anxious

A link to the previous film

 

 Get the Panic Pit Stop app here

About Dr David Purves

Dr David Purves is a Reading based psychologist providing private CBT in Reading, Berkshire. Dr Purves is the clinical Director of The Berkshire psychology service and former Consultant Psychologist and Head of the NHS Berkshire Traumatic Stress Service. He treats trauma and PTSD at his clinic and writes and speaks internationally on matters of terrorist related trauma.

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After Paris does the world feel more dangerous and do you feel more anxious?

Terrible things do happen.

Terrible things that happen without warning can make you feel more vulnerable and anxious. The media play and replay their footage, with comment and analysis. All of this can have the the effect of making the terrible event seem more likely to happen to you or the people you love. Your brain is genetically tuned to detect threats to you. Indeed it is highly sensitive to any situation that may even turn threatening. So when a threat is perceived but there is no obvious focus for the threat your brain often goes into a worry loop.

If you find that the terrible events in Paris have caused you to be more anxious but you’re not sure why then watch my video. I will explain how worry gets started and why anxiety goes up.

Are you anxious?

 

The link to the next film

About Dr David Purves

Dr David Purves is a Reading based psychologist providing private CBT in Reading, Berkshire. Dr Purves is the clinical Director of The Berkshire psychology service and former Consultant Psychologist and Head of the NHS Berkshire Traumatic Stress Service. He treats trauma and PTSD at his clinic and writes and speaks internationally on matters of terrorist related trauma.

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CBT Therapy: Do you know your personal psychological space?

CBT Therapy: Personal Physical Space

We are all aware of personal space. If someone stands too close to you it is uncomfortable, we may not be quite sure why…it just does. In the film below, as an example of personal space violations, I tell the story of some experiments where men are positioned too close to other men in the bathroom. The effects can be dramatic, odd and even disturbing.

Watch this film and learn more. But be warned it is over 18 minutes long. Some things defy a simply or superficial description and sometimes important things take a bit longer to explain. So please stick with it to the end I am sure you will find it useful.

CBT Therapy: Personal Psychological Space

In this video I am not so much interested in talking about physical space but rather psychological space. Psychological space is a concept that is barely even recognised in science. I first developed an understanding of it when I fully understood the power of self sabotage.

Everyone wants to do well in their life. No one is motivated to perform poorly …and yet many of us do perform below are reasonable expectations of ourselves. The reason for this can seem puzzling, let’s face it, it seems to defy logic! But then I understood the power of the ‘personal membrane,’ this is what I call your unique personal psychological space.

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CBT Therapy: The Personal Membrane

Your personal membrane is maintained by your existing negative beliefs about yourself. These were probably developed somewhere in your childhood when your cognitive system was less sophisticated and your understanding of the world less well developed. Nevertheless, once created it started to influence all of your decisions.

I tell the story of Tom whose personal membrane developed when he was about 10 and led to a nervous breakdown when he was 40. I describe how it influenced him and ultimately how it almost ruined his life.

CBT Therapy: Tom recovered from the depths of despair

 

Tom came to see me when he had his nervous breakdown for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) but he only had six face to face sessions. He also used and worked through The Mood Control System. Tom overcame the destructive force of his personal membrane and in fact he changed it out of all recognition. He got his life back, he kept his job and actually started to enjoy it again and he felt normal for the first time is several years. He did great!

CBT-Therapy-Sunshine-on-Horizon

Mental Health Awareness Week

Mental Health Awareness week is coming to a close. This week of activities to raise awareness of mental health issues spurred me to tell Tom’s story (even though it is longish for a video) but really the moral of this story is:

Your personal membrane will have an influence over you no matter where you are
in your life unless you make an effort to change it.

I’m a CBT therapist and I had to make an effort to change mine and Tom definitely had to change his, if he wanted to have a satisfactory life. I did it, Tom did it and you can do it also. You just have to start to make the effort.

CBT Therapy: Free Audio Book

I have created a 53 minute audio book entitled The Active Self Help Way Out Of Depression. When you sign up for The Mood Control System before 20th May you will also receive this audio book free. The link for the download will come to with you the welcome email.

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Clinical depression treatments: Your soul has a cold (Kokoro no Kaze)

Clinical depression treatments vary tremendously depending on where you live. This comes from the fact that attitudes to depression can be very different across the globe.

Japan traditionally suffered twice the suicide rate of the USA. However, talking about depression in Japan had always been a very different matter from talking about it in Western countries. In our language, the word for depression is interchangeable with dips in landscape, economy or mood. But in Japanese the word for depression (utsubyo) was used only to describe major depressive disorders and/or mania. Indeed it was seldom heard outside psychiatric circles.

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In Japan, to talk about or express feelings, people relied on the word ki or ”vital energy.” When describing low mood people might use the word ‘Ki’ and couple it with expressions of sadness because their Ki was sluggish, blocked or leaking.

Moreover there had always been a keep it to yourself (KITY) social norm in Japan where there was merit in not burdening others with your problems. And for both cultural and religious reasons people with mental health problems like depression were likely to suffer stigmatization, in addition, to the burden of their psychological problem.

Traditionally the major pharmaceutical companies had bypassed Japan when marketing anti depressants because there was not a disorder of depression recognized in Japan to treat and therefore no market for antidepressants. Until that is a new phrase was coined that linked the traditional Japanese notion of Ki and low mood. Kokoro no kaze (your soul has a cold)

Clinical depression treatments: Your soul has a cold

The effect of this clever combination of traditional word and understanding coupled with the new way to talking about something that was an unspoken problem for Japanese society started slowly but with gathering pace to change the status of depression. Depression became defined as a ‘real’ problem. And real problems have real solutions!

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Clinical depression treatments: Antidepressant meds

So far so good. The problem I have with this story is not that depression in Japan was under reported and under treated, I think that is self evident.  And clearly the changing force needed to bring this problem into awareness against a strong and established cultural norm was very substantial. All of that I believe was to the common good. No, the problem I have with this overall approach is that in Japan depression has been characterized as an entirely biological problem that is therefore can only be solved by the use of antidepressant drugs.

Clinical depression treatments:  How the Japanese viewed low mood

To put the problem into an historical context the traditional way of thinking about suffering in Japan may shed some light on why depression was never considered a disease. ‘Melancholia, sensitivity, fragility were not considered to be negative experiences for Japanese hence they were not considered to be problems in need to a solution. They were not considered bad in and of themselves.

Clinical depression treatments: The medical model of depression

In contrast the medical model of depression categorizes suffering as pathological and a problem that requires an intervention. Normally this is a pill. It is the case that the treatment of diseases in more easily understood and funded by health insurance companies and national health agencies and of course the classification of something as a disease helps remove some of the potential for stigmatization. But it also creates a market for the solution where previously none existed. Some critics of this approach have argued that it leads to the pathologisation of normal emotion; the tipping point where moods become medical problems and as such it turns normal human experiences into commodities to be managed.

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Clinical depression treatments: A Little history

Eli Lilly had decided in the late 1980s against selling Prozac into Japan as there was virtually no demand for antidepressant meds. Even though throughout the western world Prozac and other selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRI’s were becoming a virtual cultural phenomena – the antidepressant era!

In 1999, Meiji Seika Kaisha a Japanese company began selling the SSR Depromel. Meiji was among the first users of the phrase kokoro no kaze.

The following year, GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) the maker of the antidepressant Paxil joined Meiji by entering the Japanese market.  At this point people did not realize they were suffering from a disease and so GSK put substantial effort into the re-education of the normal Japanese doctor. GSK created a simply message: ”Depression is a disease that anyone can get. It can be cured by medicine. Early detection is important.”

In the early 2000s GSK sent 1,350 Paxil-promoting representatives to visit doctors on average of twice a week. With additional campaigns to teach GPs and their patients about the symptoms of depression: ”head feels heavy, cannot sleep, stiff shoulders, backache, tired and lazy, no appetite, not intrigued, feel depressed.”

Clinical depression treatments: Recognition of depression is useful

I have to acknowledge that recognition of depression is better than not recognising it. Depression is a problem that causes untold misery. Even today in Japan data suggest that 6.6% of Japanese have depression.

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Clinical depression treatments: Depression is a psychological problem

To promote depression as a solely biological problem is to tell an incomplete story. As a psychologist I am not a dispassionate observer of the capture of  depression by the medical establishment. I treat depression every working day and most of the time my clients never use antidepressant meds. Therefore my experience of clinical depression treatments shows me that depression is more than adequately treated by psychological therapy and probably best by CBT Therapy.  Nevertheless most psychological therapies are likely to have value as depression treatments.

I cannot blame the pharmaceutical companies for doing what they do which is to sell pharmaceuticals. And I know it is a common meme to bash the multi national drug companies. I can see they do a lot of good in many areas. If you have malaria you should take an anti malarial medication. But if you have a psychological problem that is better treated by a psychological therapy than a drug treatment then I have an issue with the bias in the message. That’s all.

The moral question is this: are we only consumers or human beings who can also consume? To assert and promote that depression is only a biological problem without also stating that it is a psychological problem is obviously good business for pharmaceutical companies but it is ultimately misleading and I think in the end immoral. If there are better depression treatments even though they cannot be packaged and sold by pharmaceutical companies they have an obligation to inform the public because that is a morally good act. I don’t observe this happening right now. How have we sleep walked to this place in the world where the pursuit of commercial advantage and money takes precedence over honesty, integrity and the common good?

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Ever wondered ‘how long will I live?’

Will you live to be 100?

Live-to-be-100Have you ever wondered, ‘how long will I live?’ We all have an attraction to the idea that maybe there is a way to see into the future and even to control the future to some extent. One thing is for sure, we are all living longer and as such are going to have more future about which to speculate. Have you thought about living to a hundred?

When you think about how long you can live you’ll realise that living to 100 is not ‘off the wall’ anymore. Many people will do it, maybe even you. Women live longer than men which is nice for them. But we are all likely to live longer than our ancestors, though quantity isn’t everything, there has to be quality of life as well. In fact, in the end, quality might be the most important element. If you are keen to know,’how long will I live’ and find the thought of living to 100 intriguing, then download the attached report and see your probability of living to 100.

I couldn’t resist finding out the answer to ‘how long will I live?’

I was fascinated to see my likelihood of living to be 100. It is about 10% but if you look at the numbers of people living to be 100 it is increasing a very great deal. By the time I get there it is estimated that there will be over 200,000 women at 100 and about 100,000 men. That is a massive increase of today’s rate.

When you think you want to live a long life remember living a long time is not the only concern…it is how you live.

I often make a distinction between destination and journey. You may have a lot more years but you also want them to contribute to a satisfying and enjoyable journey towards 100.

Taking responsibility for your journey

The truth is we cannot know the answer to the question, ‘how long will I live’ nor can we know what will happen to us on our journey. But that does not prevent us from taking what control we can over aspects of our journey. Every day is full of choices and the way we choose them determines our path.

A few years ago a user of the Blues Begone program said… ‘it is amazing I realized that you are only as depressed as your last thought.’  This is an empowering idea because it reveals some of the profound truth behind CBT therapy, when you change the way you think about yourself then you can change your life trajectory.

It is self evident that you have the potential to have more control over your internal world, if you know how to get it and exercise it. And yet anxiety problems and depression problems, which are both very common reveal a loss of psychological control. So, following this theme of taking what control you can how might we have an enjoyable and meaningful life journey?

Look after your mental health

CBT Therapy_1
As a psychologist this is my primary concern. Without good mood then everything else seems much less valuable. Mood disorders like anxiety and depression are very common and yet they are also very treatable. There are various treatment options available but in general I favour those that create a greater knowledge and sense of control over the whole process. Which is why CBT therapy is my favoured approach for helping people to have a good quality of life, it directly focuses on those profound elements that deliver meaningful life.

Meaning in life

Curiously it is not entirely clear if there is a particular type of thought that shortens your life. You might think catastrophic thoughts or worrying thoughts could potentially shorten you life as they create stress and spoil your present moment. However I am not at all sure the data supports this viewpoint. What does seem to be important is creating and maintaining a sense of meaning in life. It does not seem to matter how you do it but strive to find life a meaningful endeavour. The loss of meaning that accompanies depression is therefore problematic. And this is probably why depression can be a life shortening disorder.

Humans come into this life pre-programmed to find meaning in life. We seek it out and we create it from the things we see and do. If you find yourself without meaning in life then this is likely to be a consequence of some faulty thought processes and can be addressed and worked with. Depression treatment, especially in CBT therapy has powerful tools for doing this (for more information see The Mood Control System.

Excessive fearfulness always seen in anxiety problems can also be adequately treated by a comprehensive anxiety therapy (to start you off you’ll want to watch my film, What is anxiety? How does it affect you? below:

Psychological research has put a lot of resources into figuring out how to be happy and live a worthwhile life. Here are some of the things we know for sure.

Do work you find meaningful

(Bear in mind that no one ever lay on their deathbed and said ‘I wish I had worked harder’)

Make an effort to derive meaning and purpose from your work. If at all possible enjoy what you do, This usually follows from taking a sense of satisfaction from the work. However what it really means is to take a certain amount of responsibility for what you do. It is possible you work in a horrible job that you hate. But this is not conducive to a long and happy life. It is stressful and fills your days with time spent in an environment you dislike. Therefore change it. If necessary invest in yourself and your education or skills to enable to you do something you really find fulfilling. There are many careers in the world that people find engaging and life enhancing, or at the very least interesting and stimulating. These surely are the goals of a working life. But only you can take the necessary steps to ensure it happens. So be responsible for you working life.

A bit of my story

When I was a teenager I took my first job which was an apprenticeship, in a heavy industry. I really disliked the job but what I disliked even more was the sense that the management was responsible for everything and the worker was there to do as much as possible for as little as possible. This was a perspective that both disempowered the worker but also made it hard for people to develop their skills and expertise; although many did, but it made it hard to enjoy the process of being expert and knowledgeable. In essence I don’t think it matters too much what you do but make sure you gain some satisfaction and a sense of mastery from it.

Stay as fit as practical but don’t overdo it!

First things first. A lot of exercise can be bad for you!

I have spoken about studies in the past that have documented the beneficial effects of moderate exercise on longevity. The days of most of us doing manual jobs are gone and if you, like me sit down for most of the day then you like me have a problem. The trouble for me is that what we call exercise now is institutionalized. We use gyms and have workouts when perhaps what we need to do is to incorporate exercise into our daily lives. Walking as much as possible and using our muscles as much as we can within the environment in which we live. In the UK gardening is a great fair weather exercise and combines both movement and interest so it is fantastic.

Find things you can do that are interesting to you as opposed to simply being exercise. Surely if you can engage in a hobby activity that is also exercising then so much the better. The fact is that the alternative of not staying as fit as practical is you lose some of your longevity but as with all things in life moderation is the key. If you enjoy hard exercise like marathons then good for you. But if you’re concerned with the question, ‘how long will I live,’ they will not lengthen your life and may even cause you longer term problems.

Relationships are important

People usually say that the most important things in their lives are relationships with others. We are social animals and what we value is the quality of the time spent with people who mean something to us. If you think about what makes an experience meaningful to you it is likely to be the sense of emotion you get from it. A film that engages your emotions is much more easily remembered than one that does not. The same is true for relationships and the experiences we have when in relationships.

Relationships are the most meaningful processes we have and they enrich our lives. Of course they have to be decent relationships to do that. We don’t want massively stressful ones or ones that are burdensome to us. Therefore following the theme to taking responsibility for our lives see what you can you do today to make your relationship deeper and richer. And if you don’t have one put some effort in engaging another human being in a conversation that is meaningful (not just greetings and stock phrases.)

There is also one important relationship we must not overlook. It is the relationship you have with yourself. Many clients I have seen over the years have been very conflicted within themselves. They may hold two or more positions about what they think about themselves, the world and even their own future. They are both highly competent and yet very self critical causing a lot of anger and internal conflict. If you experience this it is often a precursor to symptoms of depression and anxiety but is entirely amenable to a comprehensive depression treatment or anxiety therapy such as CBT therapy so while it may feel impossible to resolve it’s actually very resolvable. 

Every day you can make choices that change the trajectory of your life’s journey for the better. This is empowering information but only if you take the choices that are presented almost every moment of every day. Taking more control of your life is simply about seeing what is already there and making informed choices rather than letting chance determine what happens next.

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CBT therapy helps dismantle borders

Did you know that you can use CBT therapy to dismantle borders? Let’s start at the beginning…

Keeping your borders up

Every border is porous to some degree. The border of North and South Korea is probably the most patrolled and guarded but even then people can move across it if they are willing to take the risk. There is a correlation between how closely borders are guarded and how motivated governments are to keep out ideas, goods and services. I often think that contamination with new ideas is the thing most feared by repressive governments.

We also have borders

Humans also have borders, although we often call them boundaries. Your skin is the first one encountered by germs, but even your skin is porous. It lets all sorts of things in and out but only those things that are sanctioned by your body as ‘not challenging’.

We also have psychological boundaries or borders. We actively seek to keep out ideas, information and knowledge that is incompatible with who we think we are. And the more challenging a piece of information is the more we seek to ban it from entry into our cognitive system.

Just think for a moment if we abolished our psychological borders for a while. What would happen? Well, we would be exposed to new ideas and knowledge. We could appraise this new information and judge it for validity and usefulness then we could reject it or accept it as required.

We would not place a blanket ban on new information but would exercise a careful evaluation based upon utility. Perhaps this exercise in evaluation may lead to changes in what we understand and how we do things.

This is not mere idle speculation. Every client seen in CBT therapy for a depression treatment or an anxiety therapy has a strong border patrol that actively seeks to hold the border; both keeping information in and rejecting new information. Struggling to keep things in to maintain the status quo takes a lot of effort particularly if what is trapped in is unpleasant, damaging and negative. You may wonder why anyone would put effort to keeping this kind of thing inside but that is the nature or borders. What is inside is not questioned and what is outside is rejected.

Learn how CBT therapy helps dismantle borders

After CBT therapy has started and the borders are slowly weakened and dismantled people always realise that their border guards did not need to be so tough, maybe not really needed after all.  The things kept in were illusions of safety and the things kept out were only normal reality and so no real threat at all.

When the border guards are largely made redundant the whole ecology of the body works more easily and the whole land is more at peace with itself.

Please watch my film below for a further explanation on why borders are so heavily guarded.

I made it on the border between Canada and the USA. If you can watch to the end you can see me fly over the frozen border between these countries (called The Thousand Islands) and see a small ice breaker as it ploughs between the lands.

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Alexithymia – Can you describe your emotions?

 

I recently went to North Canada where I carried out a bit of work with something called Alexithymia.

Alexithymia is basically an inability or difficulty in describing and understanding emotions.

I’d like to share more about this work with you in this video. Alternatively you can read the text below the film.

 

Transcript of the video

Hi, I’m standing here in the middle of a frozen lake in Canada. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining and it’s only about minus 10 so it’s a great day to be on the ice. I’m just going to go over to that island, sit down and tell you a little bit about why I’m making this film.

Well, I’ve come over to the island and I’ve found a nice little spot with some shade so that I’m able to film.

While I’m here in Northern Canada and one of the things I’m doing is a little bit of work with something called Alexithymia.

What is Alexithymia?

Alexithymia is basically an inability or difficulty in describing and understanding emotions. And it also has a certain, what you might call an externally oriented thinking style, in that it tends to be quite concrete thinking processes.

Often people with Alexithymia might be very successful because they’re very focused on tasks.  They’re very able to carry things through to completion and not get distracted by fantasy or wild imaginings.

The thing about Alexithymia, though, is that it’s a fairly stable personality trait, or so we believe, and therefore it’s going to continue.

Alexithymia

Symptoms

On one end we have Alexithymia which makes it difficult to recognise and describe emotions and on the other end we have excessive description and recognition of emotions. Someone at the other end of the spectrum would probably be highly anxious and they would recognise that they’re highly anxious and that makes it difficult to live.

Someone on the Alexithymic end has all of the physiology and all of the biological processes that go along with anxiety and stress etc but they don’t tend to recognise it so consequently they can’t do anything about it. Their body therefore experiences the hypertension, the elevated blood pressure, all of the stomach upset that goes with stress and anxiety. But they don’t recognise it as an emotional problem and consequently they interpret these emotional signals as a medical problem.

Tests and more tests

This means that they very often spend a lot of time pursuing their doctor and getting the doctor to do lots of medical and physical checks and that can, if you take it to the extreme, push doctors to do all sorts of weird surgical interventions. The thing is none of that is very useful because it’s not a medical problem, it’s a psychological problem.

Alexithymia is correlated with lots of other problems which are often considered to be quite mysterious by the medical professionals such as irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, migraine, headache and even depression.

Perceptions

So I’m here in Northern Canada and I don’t expect to see any bears or other wild animals creeping up on me but it’s always worth looking around from time to time to be sure because I’m in a completely different environment from my normal comfort zone which is my office in Reading.

The filters I would usually use to clean out every day experiences have been cleansed. The filters or the doors to my perception have been opened so now I’m seeing things that I wouldn’t normally see. I’m paying attention to things that I wouldn’t normally pay attention to.

The emotional experience of everyday life is like that. You get used to filtering out stuff and not paying attention to stuff. You get used to accepting whatever happens as being the norm.

What we need to do sometimes is just refresh those filters just to say, ‘Let me just pay attention to what’s actually happening in my life.’

Understanding your emotions

If you’re feeling not quite right and you have something that’s not quite right in your body or you have something that’s not quite right in the circumstances of your life then just try to refresh your filters and see if there’s anything that can be done to increase your vocabulary about the emotional experiences that you’re having.

Take the challenge

Let me offer a little challenge to you… 

Do you feel that you can adequately describe your emotional experiences to the people that are close to you so that they can adequately enough understand where you’re coming from so they can feel a sense of empathy?

If you can do that then you probably have a good vocabulary for your emotional world.

If you can’t do that or people complain that you don’t share enough of your emotional experiences then you might potentially have what we might think of as an inadequate vocabulary to describe your emotional experiences and that would be something that you need to rectify.

In the end you can only understand what you have language for. If you don’t have language for your emotional world then it’s hard for you to understand it. It’s hard for the people that are close to you to understand it, share it with you and help you process it.

Alexithymia-2

Increasing your vocabulary

So, I’m in a new place and I’m learning a new language. I’m learning about snow and snow showing and cross country skiing, and wild animals that walk around in the snow. I’m looking at tracks and learning the difference between a fox and a racoon. I’m learning a new language.

We always need to increase our vocabulary. That’s true of our emotional vocabulary. Stick with what you’ve got if it works but if it doesn’t work lets learn some new words to describe, understand and process our emotional world.

Thanks for taking the time to watch and listen. I’m Dr David Purves in Northern Canada on a frozen lake.

How can you increase your emotional vocabulary?

CBT therapy and Mood Control are excellent ways of helping you to develop the language of emotions.

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